


No Longer A Memory

by MinkyForShort



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander can see Death, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mild Hurt/Comfort, duel, the world was wide enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinkyForShort/pseuds/MinkyForShort
Summary: After years of catching glimpses of her throughout his life, Alexander finally has a conversation with Death.





	No Longer A Memory

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 - Paces! Fire!_

Alexander closes his eyes, anticipating to feel the blind hot pain of the bullet go right through him. He supposes that he shouldn’t have been too surprised that Burr actually had it in him to fire the gun, but he held onto the hope that he wouldn’t have. Burr has always thought out every action carefully, never acting until he’s weighed out every possible pro and con. It wouldn’t have done him any possible good to fire at him, so Alexander had entered this duel with a calm mind, never fearing for his life for a moment. Until the moment he heard that gunshot, anyways.

He keeps his eyes tight shut, still lifting his arm to point his pistol up into the sky, waiting anxiously for the moment for Death to claim him.

So he waited.

And waited.

…and yet..

Alexander cautiously opens an eye, peeking up to find the bullet, to his immense confusion and shock, suspending harmlessly in midair. His eyes open fully as he intently takes in the scene in front of him: the paused bullet, how the sparks in the gun gripped tightly in Burr’s hand have yet fully disappeared, how everything seemed to have just…stopped. Including the four men scattered across the field. Nathaniel, William, and the doctor all wore the same looks of horrific realization, all of them having appeared to begin springing into motion before they were frozen in place. He then looks ahead to Burr, standing seven feet away from them, wearing a look of blind fury that was plainly directed towards him.

It was looking at Burr, that Alexander finally realizes he still has his mobility as he slowly lowers his arm back down. He takes a cautious step forward, right towards the bullet. He looks at it with a sick sense of curiosity, realizing that the bullet would have hit him right between his ribs had time not stopped.

A warm glow of hope begins to flood him..was..was he being given another chance?

Was this an opportunity for him to escape his fate?

“I’m afraid it’s not..”

Alexander turns around sharply, lifting his gun towards the new voice, only to pause when he realizes the source of the new voice. His eyes stay transfixed on the figure in front of him, a figure that he had sworn, up to this moment, was merely a bad memory. To anyone else, the being in front of him would be considered a normal woman, but he knew better. He lowers his gun slowly as she approaches him, almost as though she’s floating. Before, she had always looked like a ghost, a shape that would appear in the corner of his eye, only ever catching a full look of her in the truly bleakest of circumstances. Such as the deaths of those he had held dearest to his heart. Now, however, she was as opaque and present as the grass underneath his feet, and he could fully take in her image. She was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that, with dark skin, short black curly hair that was gathered at the top of her head, and a simple black dress that seemed to flow in the wind as aimlessly as she did. What caught him the most off guard about her were her eyes, how soft and caring they looked, how they seemed to carry an apology in them.

Looking at her as she is now, had he not known better, Alex would have never expected her to be the angel of death that had been a shadow through his entire life.

Alex’s pistol now hung limply by his side as he eyes her suspiciously, keeping his guard up for every moment she drew closer to him. He takes a instinctive step back, “You’re real.” There’s no question, no wonderment, just a truth that he’s always known.

Death nods, a small smile gracing her face, “I’m afraid so..” it was strange, she seems almost human. Nothing like the distant, unattached creature he’d always expected her to be. Her gaze moves past Alexander, and she was now looking over to where Burr stood with a vaguely surprised expression. “I won’t lie, I didn’t expect him to actually go ahead and fire at you.”

Alexander closes his eyes, taking a shuddering breath, “So this _is_ the reason you’re here, I’m not leaving this field alive.” he mutters, his shoulder slumping as the truth begins to dawn on him. He doesn’t see Death lower her eyes, almost sorry that this moment had finally come.

“Well,” Death starts, “that’s not exactly true,” Alex turns to look at her, a subtle surprise on his face, “I won’t be collecting you right away. I’m just here to, well,” she turns to face him in turn, their eyes meeting for the first time in forty seven years, “prepare you for the inevitable.” They’re standing face to face now, their clothes blowing in a silent breeze. Death and the man who was cursed to see her.

For one of the few times in his life, Alexander feels speechless. He digs through his mind, thinking of anything to say to the being before him, searching for all of the questions that had been buried for as long as he could remember.

Only one came forth. “You have stopped time for others?”

Death seems as surprised by his question as he did. Still, she decides there’s no harm in answering one that had a straightforward answer. “Some, not all,” she shrugs, “there are those whose end comes quickly, and I just arrive to guide them to the other side, like I did for your friend.” Alexander’s memory flashes to more than twenty years ago, when he received that letter, informing him of his dear Laurens’s untimely death. He had always wondered whether or not John had seen the entity that was in front of him now, if he had felt her presence even before those bullets had run him through.

“And others..” Alex whispers, his steady voice contradicting the shaky grip on his pistol, “Like my mother? And my-” he takes a deep breath, “-my son?”

Death regards him sympathetically, though there’s no sorrow in her voice, “I know what you must think of me, Alexander,” his eyes widen at her casual use of his name, “but I am not a monster who derives pleasure from taking your loved ones away from you. I was just doing my job, but yes, I did stop time for them,” she lifts a hand, slowly and debatingly, before placing it back down to her side, “to assure them that you would be fine, that Elizabeth,” Alexander feels his heart clench tightly, “would be fine.”

For the first time since time had frozen, Alexander could feel himself becoming angry, “Fine..you told them I’d be ‘fine’..” his voice is low, shaky with a fury that he hasn’t felt in a long time. “I was _not_ fine!” His head jerks up, his eyes alive and wet with tears as he stomps forward until he is face to face with her. “Because of _you_ I had to wake up next to my mother’s corpse, alone and horrified, for hours until the doctors came to take her body away! And maybe I could have begun to heal, to move on from what had happened, if you hadn’t decided to take me cousin away from me next,” Once Alex started, he couldn’t bring himself to stop, ”but that wasn’t enough for you, was it? I can’t count how many times I have caught flashes of you during that goddamn hurricane, and don’t even get me _started_ on the war! Then you took John away from me and then, for years, I thought you were done, I thought you were _finally_ going to grant me peace until it was my time to be collected by you…but no..you-you had to take my son-my _son_ -away from me. You had to make me watch as you approached his sickbed, take him away right in front of me..in front of his mother..and I don’t think I ever hated you more than I did in that moment. I wanted to scream, and curse at you, demand that you stay away from him, even though I would’ve looked like a mad man in front of my wife..but I didn’t, because I didn’t want to hurt her anymore than I already had.”

Once Alexander finishes, his shoulders are shaking with tremors as he huffs deeply, his face red as tears began streaking his cheeks. He realizes quickly that he had just unloaded years of confusion, anger and grief on Death herself. He steels himself for her reaction, but all that is on her face is patience and a quiet understanding. He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised; he certainly isn’t the first person to rage against Death, and there’s no way he’s going to be the last.

What she does next does surprise him a little bit. She gently lifts her hand to his shoulder, the tremors there easing almost immediately. “How do you feel now?” she asks, her voice as calm and clear as it was before.

“Honestly,” he murmurs, his racing heart now steadying to a soft thumping, “like this heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders.” He backs away from her slightly, but to his own surprise, does not shake her hand from his shoulder.

The two stand in silence for a few moments, the frantic anger Alexander had carried only minutes ago was now almost completely dissipated. Death strokes his shoulder comfortingly, almost motherly, “You still have much on your mind..” she states, tilting her head almost curiously at him. Alexander almost smiles, completely exhausted from his venting as he looks back up at her, nodding slightly, “Now is the time to share, if you wish to.”

“There’s just..so much that I haven’t done yet,” he says with a shrug, his eyes drifting back to where the bullet hanged for a brief moment, “So many mistakes I have yet to fully atone for.” His mind wanders right towards his family; his sons and daughters, his wife…his wonderful, beautiful Betsey. “I feel as though I have spent the earlier years of my life waiting for you, almost anticipating the day where you’d come and take me away, but now…now I’m just..I’m not ready, I can’t..I can’t just leave my family behind like this.”

Death lets out a soft sigh, “No one is ever ready to say goodbye to their loved ones, some aren’t even given the chance,” she lifts her hand from his shoulder to his chin, gently urging him to look at her, “but you will be. You will leave this field alive, you will have the chance to say goodbye to your family, I can at least grant you that.” Alexander’s eyes widen softly, his eyes glistening with new, unshed tears. He nods; it’s the only thanks he can give without succumbing to his tears.

Death looks back towards the open field, where Burr and the bullet waited for Alexander. She lets out a deep breath; despite how unattached she had to be, she sometimes wishes that she could keep time frozen for them forever. “It’s time.” She breathes, slowly backing away from Alexander. He takes deep steadying breaths before raising his head high, walking back to his original position on the field. Soon enough, he’s back where he was at the beginning: seven feet in front of Burr, and the bullet coming right towards him. He looks back to Death, wearing an almost childlike plea on his face, one she understands instantly, “I will stay with you until the end.”

Alexander doesn’t say anything to her, just turns back to face Burr, taking one more deep breath as he begins to lift his pistol to the sky.

“Raise a glass to freedom..”

As time speeds back up, it takes mere moments for the bullet to hit him. Though in that brief window, Alexander swears, for just a moment, Burr’s eyes looked passed his and widened in fear at an entity invisible to all but him..

***

It was surreal, looking down at one’s own body. Alexander wishes that he could reach out to his wife, who was ,now curled around his body, silent tears streaming down his face as she hugged him close and tight, almost afraid to let go. He wants to assure her that he is still here, but all that happens as he tries to touch her trembling shoulders is that his hand disappears right through her. He sighs, sadly taking in the sight of his newly widowed wife, his sister-in-law in the hallway, swallowing back her own tears as she tries to comfort his children, and he feels the painful stab of guilt for leaving them behind so suddenly.

“I’m afraid it’s a little late for regrets,” Death says apologetically, approaching Alexander’s side with her usual quiet grace.

He lets out a small huff, “I know that,” he mutters sadly, his eyes never leaving his wife, “but it’s still painful..” Death’s eyes soften as she rests a hand on his arm, a small comfort. She joins him in looking down at Eliza. “How long..” Death raises an eyebrow in slight confusion, “How long am I going to be parted from them?”

Death lowers her eyes in thought, “I cannot give you an exact answer, for even I rarely know when I’m supposed to be collecting another life. However, I can tell you that they will all live long lives, if that means anything..” Alex gives a soft nod of understanding, seemingly pleased with the answer. “In the meantime, you do have others who are looking forward to your arrival,” she offers him a smile, “and I should be taking you to meet them right about now.”

Alexander’s eyes stay on Eliza for as long as he’s able before he finally turns away, allowing Death to do her duty and guide him to the afterlife. However, even as they begin their journey, Alexander can’t resist one last look back.

“My love, take your time…I’ll see you on the other side.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that hurt to write! :,)
> 
> A huge thanks to quantumoddity for being my beta reader for this.


End file.
